Wednesday, September 22, 2010

5 Reasons to kick elderly people in the shins

First, read Tim Love's five reasons not to be a vegetarian (via vegan.com).

1. Because kicking elderly people in the shins is fun.  It's not a matter of taste--it just is.

2.  Because it stimulates senses, such as sight (it's fun to see the elderly person wince) and sound (it's fun to hear the elderly person groan).  You may think this is basically a restatement of my first point, but it deserves special attention.

3. Imagine walking into a room full of people who think it's wrong to kick elderly people in the shins.  Enough said.  I'm kidding: some of my best friends choose not to kick elderly people in the shins, though they are a little holier-than-thou about it.  If I want to kick elderly people in the shins, let me do it in peace.  Nobody is forcing you not to kick elderly people in the shins, so why do you force your values on me?

4. Not kicking elderly people in the shins may seem like a healthy lifestyle, but kicking elderly people in the shins in moderation can be part of a healthy lifestyle.

5. Because you'd get a lot of funny looks if you showed up at a party where people tend to kick elderly people in the shins, and chose not to kick elderly people in the shins.  Evidently, people who kick elderly people in the shins give a lot of judging looks to those who don't, and we should be very concerned about getting funny looks.

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